There I was, laying by the pool in a tank top and skirt soakin up the Florida sun. From my backside, I roll over to my stomach and glance down, I totally lost it. Laughing out loud by myself as I witness my boobs just hanging there, literally. The left one tucked in nicely (as proper as a floppy flapjack could be) and the right one doubling in size, full of milk and trying to crawl it’s way out. Once I finally got a grip on my giggles, I laid there sincerely analyzing which position would best suit my situation. Should I lay on my left side so they look more similar in size? Maybe my right side so I don’t leak milk down the front of myself? I could stuff a nipple pad in, but I’d have to go get one first…Then the laughter kicks in again. Two summers ago I was analyzing which way to sit in the sun to accent my curves for Matt. Ten summers ago I was in Vegas after a trip to Mexico, who knows what I was thinking while flaunting in the sun!? And now, here I lay debating which boob to support. Oh life… you’re hilarious.

When we arrived to Florida a year ago, I was in my second trimester and starting to show a little bump. Looking back now, I should of rocked out my growing belly and kicked it beach side, but my ego wouldn’t allow it. I would still get my toes in the sand but always fully covered in a sun dress or something that resembled a “moo moo” as my Grams called it. As time went on, my self consciousness and distorted body image only got worse. It peeked once the doc told me to “lay low or else you’ll be on bed rest” as this news wiped away all workouts from my routine. I felt like I was turning into a pile of squish. Of course I was in love with my tight round tummy and the little one growing inside, however I despised the cellulite dimples on my arms (didn’t know that was even possible!) and thighs that could no longer squeeze into anything I owned.

Fast forward to now, I’ve got a beautiful little girl that has grown into a healthy infant solely on my milk. I was told throughout my pregnancy that breastfeeding would help knock off the pounds and “you burn soooo many calories that you don’t even have to worry about weight loss”! Lies… all lies! At least in my case.

My habit of researching everything health and fitness led me to trying to find a reason (or a valid justification) on why I wasn’t shrinking. Although I knew these things deep down, I guess it was nice to be reminded.

Common thought: “I eat clean and never binge on calorie dense food” (Aka – not eating enough).

Facts say: “Under eating causes your body to store excess fat in order to protect and nourish your baby and milk production.”

Common thought: “If I stay awake while she sleeps I can continue to be active therefore burn more calories”.

Facts say: “Sleep deprivation causes significant changes in hormones, primarily the ones that regulate hunger, appetite and metabolism”.

Common thought: “I’m totally exhausted (mentally and physically by 7pm, I must be using up all excess energy (fat).”

Facts say: “Daily stress (being a new mom and/or life) can cause Adrenal hormones to go straight to your waistline to protect your brain”.

Common thought: “My cousins, neighbor and half the women I know just shrank while breastfeeding, why not me!?”

Facts say: “Hereditary genes play a huge roll in body shape and the challenges that come with it. Ever heard of the 3 different body styles; ectomorphs, mesomorphs and endomorphs… look it up, it’s fascinating!

I suppose the conclusion of this Friday Fitness is to simply do your very best with what you have while working for what you want.

Today I will eat to provide health and happiness to my body therefore nourishing Shanti.

Today I will activate my muscles, stretch my joints and elevate my heart rate.

Today I will be an example to my daughter and fully embrace myself with love and care.